


dahilan

by velvetpeach



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, baka dagdagan ko pa, tagalog fic
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2020-09-27 18:37:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20412451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetpeach/pseuds/velvetpeach
Summary: ano ba yung dahilan ni jongdae? bakit siya lumisan kay sehun?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> comments appreciated

“Ilang taon na ba tayong nagsama?” Tanong si Jongdae kay Sehun.

“Mahigit 5...” Sagot ni Sehun. Sixth anniversary nila sa susunod na linggo. Naramdaman ng nakababata ang unti-unting pagdurog ng kanyang puso. Hindi niyang kinayang tingnan ang mga mata ni Jongdae na alam niyang nakatitig sa kanya— sinusunog ang kanyang kaluluwa.

Napalunok si Sehun. Nanginginig na ang kanyang mga kamay sa lamig. Kailangan niyang ayusin ‘to. Baka naman lasing lang si Jongdae, pilit niyang sinasabi sa sarili niyang kaisipan.

“Didn’t you get bored? Or tired?” The elder questions him, stepping closer. His tone makes Sehun feel depressed. Was Sehun being inconsiderate? Matagal na bang nagdurusa si Jongdae nang mag-isa at ‘di lang niya napansin?

“Of course not.” Sehun huffs, sitting down on the couch.

“Why? I’m annoying; arrogant even. At diba wala na akong time para sa’yo?”

“‘Di naman yan totoo eh. Kung ayaw ko sa’yo, ba’t di pa ako aalis?” Sehun tries to hug Jongdae, but the older just moves away.

Ang sakit pala ng ganito.

“Nagsisinungaling ka lang. Alam ko... You’ve been bored.”

“Sabi ko nga na hindi, diba? Ano ba yung pinaparating mo? Okay ka lang ba?” Sehun clutches Jongdae’s collar tightly.

“Hindi na kita mahal, Sehun.” Sinabi ng nakatatanda na parang wala lang siya.

Napaupo si Sehun. Hindi niya mapigil ang pagragasa ng luha sa kanyang mukha.

“Saan ba ako nagkulang? May iba ba?” Sumigaw si Sehun, mukha niya puno ng galit at pagkabagabag.

“Wala,” Ang tahimik na sagot ni Jongdae.

“Mas malala nga ‘yan eh. Buti pa kung may iba. Baka maintindihan ko pa ‘yun eh. But the fact that you’re telling me it’s my fault just tells me how selfish you are. Ba’t mo pa ako pinakasalan kung sasabihan mo lang akong maghiwalay tayo? Hindi ako naniniwala.” Sehun tries to be strong, but his entire body is trembling.

“Minahal kita, Hun. Paniwalaan mo ‘yun. Please.” Jongdae has the audacity to hug him, but Sehun is left frozen in his spot.

Pwede bang ibalik ang dati nilang kasiyahan?

— 

“Nagawa ko na po. Patawad nalang po. Sana’y ‘di niyo na aabalahin si Sehun. Kaya naman niyang maging matatag sa sari—“ Binabaan si Jongdae.

“Buti nga.” Napangiti ang nanay si Sehun, kausap ang private investigator.

“Buti nalang at ‘di naging tanga ang Jongdae na ‘yun. Kawawa naman yung anak ko kung naging viral ‘to sa internet.” May mga hawak siyang litrato ng panahon na pinapakita pa nina Sehun at Jongdae ang pag-ibig nila para sa isa’t isa sa publiko.

Mga panahon na binalikan ni Sehun kanina noong sinabi ni Jongdae na pagod na sila.

Dahil sa katotohanan, oo. Oo, napagod din si Sehun.

Madalas nga siyang napagod eh, pero siyempre hindi niya inilahad ang mga problemang ‘yun kay Jongdae.

Hindi na niyang kinailangang gawin ‘yun, dahil sa isang ngiti at yakap mula kay Jongdae pag-uwi niya, tumahan na siya.

Napawi ni Jongdae ang lahat ng pagkabalisang naranasan niya sa loob ng 5 taon.

Sino kaya ang makapapawi ng kanyang tinatagong lungkot ngayon?

Sehun stared at the door as Jongdae easily exited their shared home for years.

Tapos na ba nang ganito lang?

Jongdae, parangawa mo na. Bumalik ka. Tumakbo kang pabalik sa piling ko. ‘Yun ang inisip ni Sehun.

Naghintay siya nang higit isang oras sa may pinto.

Hindi na bumalik si Jongdae.

Hindi naman makaalis si Sehun, tila isang bilanggo sa sarili niyang bahay.

Isa lang ang natanong niya sa sarili niya: “Bakit?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, sorry. It feels so much better to write in Filipino, but I obviously feel bad about basically abandoning The Forces for now... I'll finish it one day :(
> 
> unedited so sorry nalang sa mga typo

Lumipas ang isang oras na hindi huminahon si Sehun mula sa pag-iyak.

Bakit?

Bakit?

_Bakit?_

Saan ba siya nagkulang? He tried his best not to call Jongdae first, but he couldn’t help it. To Sehun’s surprise though, blocked na agad yung number niya kay Jongdae. Pati sa social media. Hindi niya talaga maintindihan kung bakit ‘to nangyari, and he obviously didn’t want to know why. It was driving him insane.

Did Jongdae really get tired of him in these 5 years? When he promised him the whole world and more, without realizing that he was more than enough for Sehun?

He grabbed a spare phone and called Jongdae. Memorize niya by heart.

Sumagot si Jongdae agad, pero hindi umimik si Sehun.

All it took was one “Hello?” from Jongdae to have Sehun bawling again. It was no use now. Halata na kung sino siya. Bababaan na siguro siya ni Jongdae.

“Hun?” The sweet voice echoed out from the phone. Sehun felt his heart thump. Bakit malumanay pa rin yung tono niya kay Sehun? Parang hindi siya nang-iwan.

Jongdae gets radio silence as a response, and Sehun is honestly really thankful na hindi pa tinapos ni Jongdae yung call. The mere noise of Jongdae breathing had reassured Sehun in the most comforting way.

“Sehun,” Jongdae lingers and swallows a lump in his throat.

“Please don’t call again. It’s better this way.” Sehun fooled himself into thinking any second chances would be possible. Jongdae wanted him out of his life.

Sehun realized he hadn’t changed out of his work attire yet. He shed his polo off, leaving his white undershirt and boxers on. Susubukan na sana niyang matulog pero may naramdaman siyang kutob, at mabilis na pinatay ang ilaw sa kwarto niya habang narinig na may kotseng papalapit na sa bahay nila.

Bahay _niya_.

He was fearing for his life. Ito nanaman. Malapit na ang election season, kaya inaabangan na niya ang lahat ng mga naghahanap sa kanya mula sa pamilya niya. Dahil sino ba siya? Isa lang naman siyang anak ni Senador Oh, isa sa pinakasikat ngunit mahigpit na politiko sa bansa. Mabuting mambabatas, ngunit parang na pahiran ng gutom sa korupsyon mula sa asawa niya.

Si Sehun lang nga naman ay hindi nagpakita ng karaniwan sa pamilya niya sa higit tatlong taon.

He secretly peeked out of his window. Tama. 6 ang numerong nasa plaka ng kotseng papunta sa bahay niya. So nahanap na nga ng nanay niya ang bagong tirahan ni Sehun. Ilang buwan lang ang nakalipas noong lumipat sila sa village na ‘to. Magaling din nga naman ang investigator ni senador na kinukuha ni Mrs. Oh nang patago.

Nagtago na rin si Sehun para ‘di maabala.

Truth be told, he was bombarded with calls from an unknown number.

He ignored it all, and after minutes, umalis na yung kotse.

Makatutulog ba siya ngayong hating gabi?

He had test papers to check and flooded na yung messenger niya from students. Saturday naman bukas so valid kung ‘di siya magreply diba? He implemented that policy a long time ago.

Pero simula na nga ng weekend bukas, ang simula ng unang weekend na hindi siya at ease lang sa bahay, away from all struggles. Kasi kasama niya si Jongdae.

Halos 4 AM na noong natulog si Sehun, at naalala niya ang simula ng lahat ng ito bago matulog.

*

Unang araw ng klase ni Sehun sa second year niya bilang isang Biology student. Mataas ang grades niya kasi consistent honor student siya, at wala siyang time for serious relationships. Siyempre, maraming time para magwalwal, milk tea, at samgyup kasi mas trip niya yun kaysa sa commitment. Classic spoiled brat. Puro fling lang. Kaso, sa sobrang layo ng next class niya, naging inconsistent na arrival time niya from each. Afternoon class niya ay Philosophy, at ayaw niyang magbigay ng bad first impression sa prof.

Bago raw eh, and he didn’t look into it, pero posibleng terror kasi malamang magaling siya, at dahil magaling siya, pwedeng pwede niya ‘tong ipagmayabang.

In the nick of time, Sehun panted as he ran into the class, sweat beading on his forehead. Magsasabi siya sana ng “Hello!” sa katabi niya na ang kanyang best friend, pero pumasok na yung prof eh.

Sobrang sakto naman ng prof. Perfectly on time.

Lo and behold, Sehun thought time had stopped right then and there for him. For sure, mas maliit yung lalaking ‘to sa kanya, pero ubod ng gwapo, grabe. Ang lakas sa dating ng pagka-Disney prince si sir sa simple styling ng buhok, black hair lightly gelled to show his forehead, and a gentle smile.

No, actually forget gentle. Para siyang pusa dahil sa curl sa dulo, at noong ngumiti pa ang bagong prof nila dahil sa tili ng ibang mga babae sa room, parang lumiwanag yung mundo. Ang ganda ng nabibigay na vibes ng prof na ‘to. Whipped na yata si Sehun. Ang gwapo naman talaga kasi dahil sa confidence at charm. Nakasuot pa ng well-fitting polo kaya napatitig nalang si Sehun sa mahigpit na pagyakap ng tela sa braso ng prof nila.

The professor scanned the class and smiled. “Good morning class, I’m Professor Jongdae Kim. Prof is good. Kung magiging close ‘man tayo o feeling close kayo, edi Prof JD nalang. I graduated two years ago, and decided that teaching was really for me.”

“First class mo po ba kami?” Tanong ni Jongin, best friend ni Sehun. Civil eng ang nais niya, pero buti nalang magkasama pa rin sila sa klaseng ‘to. Sabi ni Jongin na breather daw ang Philo sa madugo na mundo ng agham at sipnayan.

“Oo. Bakit naman?” The professor nodded kindly.

“Baka hindi ka po sanay eh. Just wanna make sure na makuha ko fully yung practical application ng tinuturo mo.”

“Wag kang mag-alala, ganyan din ako noong nakaupo pa ako diyan. You’ll get that and more. All of you will learn more from Philo than you will in other classes. I’ll call out names for attendance first, then lets start with our short orientation and preliminary lesson. Mabilis lang para chill tayo today.” Ang chill naman nito. For sure, gusto na ng klase yung vibe niya.

He was calling people out by their first name. Sobrang personal naman, Sehun thought and spaced out.

“…Sehun?” Professor Jongdae called out the boy who smiled sheepishly.

“Present, sir.” He took his yellow pad out and immersed himself in note taking.

Months passed after Sehun finally realized he was harboring a serious crush. Sobrang dami kasi niyang natutunan kay Prof, at sobrang friendly niya talaga. Perfect amount of being a good educator and disciplinarian. Out of class, madalas pa silang magka-encounter. Around the same hours kasi sila umaalis dahil sa council duties ni Sehun at iba pang tambay, at music classes o jamming na kinukuha o tinuturo ni Jongdae. Sehun never really escaped from his shy one-liner replies even when Jongdae was so talkative and endearing.

On one fateful day though, Jongdae came to class looking like…

He’d gone through a whirlwind. He looked so sad, the expression was so unfamiliar on his face, and Sehun felt disheartened seeing him like this. Unfortunately, for someone as bright and optimistic as Jongdae, he couldn’t resist letting the bad mood get the best of him.

He tells the class to go through the reading during the session itself, because he was disappointed that

“Ano ba yung ginagawa mo sir? We have other classes and ‘di mo na nga tinuro yung reading, tas galit ka pa na hindi namin binasa.” Wendy speaks up, and other students turn to face her so quickly.

“Prof JD, binasa ko po yung reading. I respect you po, some people might’ve just been busy…” Junmyeon immediately stands up and clarifies. What a responsible chairperson talaga.

“Binasa ko rin po, Prof.” Sehun shyly declares.

“I read it too, Prof. Sorry hindi ako nagtaas ng kamay kanina.”

Sehun sees a glint of anger in Jongdae’s eyes as he ignores all of their explanations, and redirects his attention to Wendy. “So pinili mo yung klaseng ‘to knowing that you’d have to comply with my deadlines pero kinaya niyo pang maging bastos at aminin na ‘di mo ginawa? Other people in this class can and will be busier than you, but will never complain about it and feel entitled, Ms. Son.” Jongdae reasons out, and Sehun sees the veins in his throat being more evident than ever. Napalunok siya.

“So bawal akong mahirapan?” Wendy answers back. Puta, halatang nasstress na yung klase sa negative energy na ayaw naman nilang maramdaman.

Jongdae quirks his eyebrow. He’s literally such a good and confident speaker, Sehun can’t understand why Wendy hasn’t backed down. “Madali lang bang mag-aral? Kahit na pagod na pagod ako dati, I tried to at least scan through it or talk to my classmates about it. Respeto ko nalang yun sa prof ko eh.”

Wendy finally stands up, and audible groans are heard from the class. “Eh respeto mo rin sa’min, nasaan? You came here looking like shit and expected _us_ to teach ourselves.”

Natawa si Jongdae.“Really? My respect towards you is be wanting to teach you so you all learn. You write in your essay that there is only one truth, but the fact that you’re talking to me and contradicting mine just proves that there’s more than one. So before you criticize me for giving you Plato’s work as readings, maybe you could fu… Pay attention in class and try to learn first. Alam mo ba talaga yung pinagsasabi _mo_?” Sehun’s never seen Jongdae show major emotions other than happiness towards students, except of course when he’d talk about politics, but he seriously looks so mad, Sehun feels scared kahit na wala siyang ginawang mali. Ang bilig mag-isip ni Jongdae ng sagot, at ngayon, kitang-kita na na takot din si Wendy. He almost cursed at her.

The class choruses in oh’s of amazement at the diss towards Wendy, who slumps down in her seat.

Jongdae already knows he fucked up when he sees her upset face, and realizes his blunder. He feels like he’s palpitating and loosens his tie, running his hands through his hair.

“Fuck. Wendy, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head vigorously and hears her hum in bitter acknowledgment.

“Sorry prof, it was out of my way.” He nods, and instructs the class to talk to each other in small groups about their analysis. Junmyeon approaches him to apologize in behalf of the class, and the professor replies with a curt smile.

Wendy immediately leaves when the class ends in shame, and everyone else does because they’re scared. Sehun feels really bad though, so he stays behind for a bit. He wants to at least be able to say that Jongdae shouldn’t feel bad. And so he does, running to catch up with him sa hallway papuntang parking. Madilim na at sila nalang ang naiwan doon.

He can hear soft sniffles from the professor as he briskly walks, and gently touches his shoulder. “P-Prof? Okay ka lang po ba? Napansin ko po kasi na…You cried when leaving the class.”

Jongdae steps back in surprise, and takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m sorry Sehun. I had a lot on my mind.”

He shouldn’t be sorry though. Medyo binastos nga siya ng harap-harapan and he snapped a bit. He had the right to, of course, but it was so out of character for someone as kind as him.

“I don’t think Wendy meant to do that. She just comes off as insensitive sometimes.”

“I know… I know. I was being immature, I should’ve handled it better. I’m really sorry.”

“True though. Parang nanood ako ng one-sided debate kanina.” Sehun chuckles, not realizing that Jongdae’s tears lightly flowed down his cheeks, and that he didn’t hear what Sehun heard.

“I hate making people feel bad. Fuck.” He starts crying again. “Shet. Wag mo akong tingnan please. Nakahihiya.” He laughs as he wipes his tears.

“I hope you feel better then, Prof.” Under the shade of the trees in the dark night, Sehun lightly embraces Jongdae like a friend would to comfort another. Jongdae looked like he needed a hug for the reason he seemed to be so sad for when he first arrived in the class.

He wasn’t the only one with a heart beating even faster when Jongdae softly leaned into Sehun’s shoulder, only to panic seconds after, and run away, muttering something Sehun couldn’t hear.

Two months of casually seeing each other later despite internal conflicts within them both, Sehun finds himself kissing Jongdae in his apartment, accidentally knocking over some test papers being checked.

“This won’t work out. We got carried away.” Jongdae sternly replies and fixes the stack of papers.

“You’re only four years older than me. ‘Di ba nga, smart kid kasi so you got accelerated?” Sehun knows he’s just scared.

“Lagot ka kung mahuli ka ng mga anti ng tatay mo. Mas lalo na kung pamilya mo yu—”

Sehun presses a plump kiss against his professor’s lips.

“That’s my answer, and I’m willing to wait for yours. No matter how long.” He stared at a flushed Jongdae as he fixed the pile of papers, and went to lay his head on the older’s lap as he fell asleep.

*

Sehun did wait, for a total of four months. Things got rocky considering their age gap and student-teacher relations that Jongdae questioned hundreds of times, but being together was the strong foundation in their lives that helped them be better people. Their friends were really supportive with the entire situation. And so, of course tinago ni Sehun sa pamilya niya. Si Jongdae naman, ang pamilya niya ay nasa US, kaya ‘di na kailangan pang matakot. Supportive pa nga sila sa kanilang dalawa.

Kung tutuusin, ginusto ni Sehun na maging propesor dahil kay Jongdae. Dahil ang dami niyang natutunan mula sa kanya, at gusto niyang hubugin ang kabataan dahil sino pa ba kundi sila ang pag-asa ng bayang ‘to?

6 years na silang nagtagal ever since they were boyfriends, pero yung last 3 years, kasal na sila.

Pinakasalan ni Jongdae si Sehun noong pumasa ito ng board exam. At dahil doon, naging workmates na sila sa lugar kung saan una silang nagkita.

At magkikita sa Monday dahil pasukan, at hindi maiiwasan ni Sehun si Jongdae.

Sehun wakes up at 6 AM, staring at the large vacancy on his bed.

He’s going to have to get used to this, he supposes.

He can’t relinquish the feeling of wearing this ring though. That, we will keep, even if it might make him look like a lovesick idiot. It’s been on his finger for years, and he’ll only let the man who put it on take it off.

Much to his luck, hindi tumawag ang kahit sino man mula sa pamilya niya buong weekend.

Sa Monday ang totoong laban though. He has to pretend like nothing’s wrong with him while teaching. The day finally comes, and he doesn’t see Jongdae the whole day. He feels so strong and proud of himself though, he’s still hurting but he’s being professional about it.

That’s when he hears some students calling out his name, and sees a flash of Jongdae’s eyes staring at him before the older turns away.

The cycle continues. Sehun feels so alone, and catches Jongdae’s lingering looks sometimes.

Unless he’s being delusional. He knows that his co-workers have definitely noticed something though, and thankful naman siya dahil ang common friends nila ay naging respectful. They didn’t pry, or urge the two to make up. There must’ve been something deeper. Sehun found himself spending his time alone, as even team dinners were impossible to join because they were in the same department. Not that Jongdae didn’t beg off of the gatherings too, sometimes.

Weeks pass with the same routine and Sehun almost feels like a robot.

He’s about to shut the TV off when he hears the campaign ad ng papa niya.

He smiles fondly. His dad is a good public servant. It’s a shame he isn’t aware of how his wife manipulates his resources secretly. To hide all flaws.

Kasabay nun, biglang tumawag ang isang unknown number sa kanya. People haven’t called him anonymously recently. One answer won’t harm him, right?

“Sehun. Pumunta ka sa bahay bukas. May pag-uusapan tayo. Kasama si papa at kuya.”

“About what? I’m exhausted.” He lies, unable to think of a better excuse.

“Of what? Surely, you can’t be more exhausted than a senator’s wife and a successful doctor with a wife and kids.” The woman says chillingly.

“You’re right. It must be tiring to manipulate so much people while using the people’s money to get more designer goods and _still_ manage to look trashy.” Sehun answers, with all of the pasiga effect he learned from Jongdae. He would’ve been proud to hear that, he smiles sadly.

“What did I do to deserve a bastard of a son? You better show up tomorrow, or else.” His mother’s voice is emotionless.

“I will be there, mother.” Sehun responds, and hangs up immediately.

Wala man lang “Kamusta ka, anak?” mula sa ina niya. Pero sanay na si Sehun dito.

Tila nagwakas ang pagmamahal na tunay ng ina niya sa kanyang pamilya noong naging senador ang kanyang ama.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> saan kaya 'to mapupunta haha i don't have a definite ending planned yet

It’s hard for Sehun to pretend he isn’t hurting especially when he knows Jongdae’s burning gaze is constantly piercing his soul kapag nakakasilip sila sa isa’t isa sa common breaktimes kahit na ang laki laki ng campus. Sehun is extremely observant, and he’s not sure if Jongdae forgot about that or if he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t know if it’s because Jongdae is still longing for him, and just wants to hurt him.

Sehun is sure of one thing though, the already introverted Jongdae around people he doesn’t know has become even more demure.

Sehun finds himself on the way to his parents’ home, driving as he steers away from his thoughts of Jongdae.

Pareho pa rin ang code. Ayaw na niyang maging abala sa katulong para magpapasok.

He swings open the door to reveal his dad sa garage, paalis at mukhang pagod.

“Anak! Pumunta ka pala talaga! Mom told me to leave, she said you begged off.” His dad looks so calm. Sehun missed him. All he could do was watch him sa news and awe at his accomplishments.

Pero ahas naman, diba sinabi niyang pupunta nga siya? His mother must’ve wanted dad to hear none of her threats towards Sehun.

“I have a meeting to attend. I love you and I’m always proud of you. Don’t forget that. Nasa loob din hyung mo.” His father quickly hugs him, at sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam ni Sehun na masabihan ng “I’m proud of you.”

He politely greets his mother and brother. His hyung is beyond ecstatic to see him after months, but Sehun is here poking at his food. After dinner, the three of them are alone sa table.

Tungkol sa ano kaya yung mahalagang usapan?

Sehun feels stiffly rigid as he stares at his mother in anticipation.

“Anak, do you remember Yoona? Yung anak ng mga Im?” Sehun shudders at the mention of the word anak. He remembers Yoona. She’s older than him by a few years and insanely smart and pretty pa. They used to see each other a lot because of family events. Dream girl siguro siya ng kahit sinong lalaking matino. She’s always had eyes for his hyung though. Ang baba naman ng standards niya, Sehun thinks to himself and scoffs.

“Ah, yung dating may crush kay kuya na naging doktora para sundan siya?” Sehun laughed at his brother’s reaction. 

“Yoona na anak ng Secretary of the Department of Health. Yes, siya yun.” His mother creepily smiles.

“Turns out, she’s realized she might fancy you, kahit na teacher ka lang.”

“Ma, wag mo namang sabihin na ‘lang’. Teachers are the backbone of this nation.” His hyung is shocked at their mother’s reply. Hanep si kuya kung makabackbone ah. He has Sehun’s back no matter what. Pero totoo naman. Walang edukado kung walang magbibigay ng edukasyon.

But comedic jabs couldn’t conceal how Sehun knew where this was going and felt scared.

“Our families have been talking. We want you to marry Yoona.” His mother says loudly and clearly enough for him to feel his world crumbling down once again.  
Kuya loudly gasps at the absurd suggestion.

“Ma, ang tanda ko na. I’m certain she has tons of suitors anyway, marrying should be her choice, not her family’s. And the same goes for me.” Sehun is furious. He’s panicking, unable to think of a way to get himself out of here. Surely, Jongdae was just made a pawn in all of this. His mom definitely threated him. 

“You will listen to your mother.” She declares abruptly and stares at her son in the eye, her finger pointed firmly at his face.

“Asawa ko si Jongdae!” Sehun feels his chest constricting as all of this is starting to make sense to him. He glances at the ring on his finger, and knows that he will never take it off. Someone will have to pry it off of his dead body.

“Pinayagan ka na nga naming maging propesor, ngayon pagtataksilan mo pa kami? Inakit ka lang nun!” His mother reasons out, wiping some kind of invisible sweat on her face to make it look like she's sweating. She's no Charo Santos though. Sehun can see beyond the whole act. He's not falling for it. He knows what he's gotten himself into for the past five years.

“Mahal ko siya! Ang daming taon na naming nagsama, ba’t ngayon ka lang nagalit nang ganito? Di mo ba naintindihan na masaya kami noong ‘di mo pa kami ginugulo?” He runs his hands through his hair numerous times, unable to grasp his mother’s reasoning.

Tumayo ang nanay ni Sehun. Galit na galit na siya. “Sa tingin mo ba makatutulong yung gulo mo sa pagkampanya ng tatay mo? Sige, sabi mo low profile kayo, pero matagal na kayong hinintay na mahuli ng kalaban. Nanay mo ako. Inunahan ko na. Jongdae understood. I really thought it was just a fling. I can’t believe you dragged it out for 5 years, anak. Teacher mo na nga, tapos lalaki pa! Wala kang hiya! Dinala ba kita sa mundong ito for you to disrespect your family?” She clutched her heart like she was in pain, but Sehun knew it was all an act. She wanted to look like the victim sa harap ng kuya ni Sehun na nakatulala.

“Ginusto ko bang mabuhay sa mundong ito? Hindi! Ang ginusto ko lang ay mahalin siya. Hindi nila malalaman. Walang makalalaman. Payagan mo akong bumalik sa kanya, ma. Please.” Sehun can’t help but cry, and kneels on the ground in agony.

His mother cranes her neck down and belts out a cold laugh insincerely. “Papayagan ka ba niya?” She taunts her son. Lies and more lies. He knew Jongdae said all of those harsh words because he loved him. Jongdae would never want to tarnish Sehun’s reputation, especially when he was starting to be a recognized professor too.

“‘Yan kasi ang nangyayari pag ‘di ka sumusunod sa nanay mo. Ba’t di mo kasi tinuloy yung medschool? O law tulad ni kuya? Meron nang kasunod si papa dahil nandito si kuya. And you? You’re just a disappointment.” His mother attempts to slap his head, but hinawakan siya ni kuya. She looked so offended at the action, and Sehun’s older brother immediately backs off, afraid of what else might happen.

Anger is ignited in Sehun’s heart and he stands once more, voice booming. 

“I’m motherless. You never did anything good for me. You just care about yourself! Si papa nga, kinakamusta ako kahit na alam niyang ayoko sa’yo! Suportado niya sa’min ni Jongdae, ba’t ikaw hindi? You’re too greedy. Dad’s here to serve the people, not you!” Sehun is at the brink of tears and has never been this frustrated towards his mother. 

Enough is enough. 

He’s going to fight for Jongdae.

“I don’t get why you’re disappointed." Sehun feels numb at this point, unable to understand the root of all this evil or greed, whatever it is. "I’ve excluded myself for years, distanced myself, but you keep crawling back to me saying I’m a disappointment but you need me to leech off of some rich family.” He snarls back, spitting out nothing but the truth, hoping that his mother’s pride crumbles from each word he says.

“Why? Jongdae probably just leeched off of you himself. The crocodile tears he cried out when I had him beat up to break up with you were hilari—” Nakatingala ang nanay ni Sehun sa sinabi niya.

Fuck. Beat up?

His mother hired men to physically harm his husband, the love of his life?

Did Sehun hear his mother correctly?

He feels like he’s about to pass out from all the confusion and silent prayers in his head begging for his assumptions to be false.

Why didn’t he realize it sooner? Jongdae seemed to have been limping on his way to class the Monday after their ‘breakup’. Sehun suddenly feels nauseous and can’t comprehend what’s going on.

He feels sick, really.

Jongdae was hurt because of him.

“So you threatened him?” It’s an admittance of defeat from Sehun, but he hasn’t been this enraged in a long time. He tightly grips his mother’s forearm.

“Apologize to him right now. Apologize to me. Sobrang bastos na ng ginagawa mo. You have no right to treat people the way you treated Jongdae.” His mother looks scared at the sudden change in his attitude. He remains cold. He knows about her lies now, her act, her fake concern. He knows it’s all a sham.

“No. He did what was right for you. I suppose he never really loved you if it was that easy to leave. I didn’t even have to bribe him. He must’ve been tired of you.” His mother grinned. “I’ll have you meet Yoona soon.” She walked away, leaving her son crying in his hyung’s arms.  
His mother was wrong. Jongdae did it because he loved him, and he wanted to tell Jongdae how much he loved him.

By the time Sehun’s arrived home, he’s still crying. He’s greeted by his photos with Jongdae on the wall, and Jongdae’s favorite blazer hung on the chair, untouched for the longest time.

It was one of the small things Sehun loved about him, how that simple article gifted to him from Sehun had made him even more endearing when Sehun caught a glimpse of his lover teaching in different lecture halls.

Sehun’s been wanting to give it to him in person for a while, but maybe it would cause a scene, and he definitely didn't want that.

Besides, Jongdae would have went naman kung gusto niyang balikan.

Maybe Jongdae didn’t care about it anymore and his mother was telling the truth.

Sehun goes to sleep with his finger hovering over the ‘send’ button.

An “I miss you.”

How much was Jongdae hurting because of what Sehun’s mother put him through?

Maybe Sehun really didn’t deserve Jongdae.

Baka hindi na dapat silang magkabalikan para sa ikinabubuti nilang pareho.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gusto ko sanang gumawa ng twitter specifically for my sechen and chanchen shennanigans... para gumawa na rin ng mga au etc haha
> 
> let's see if i'll have time over the break

It’s hard to pretend he isn’t hurting especially when he knows Jongdae’s burning gaze is constantly piercing his soul kapag nakakasilip sila sa isa’t isa sa common breaktimes kahit na ang laki laki ng campus. Sehun is extremely observant, and he’s not sure if Jongdae forgot about that or if he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t know if it’s because Jongdae is still longing for him, and just wants to hurt him.

Sehun is sure of one thing though, the already introverted Jongdae around people he doesn’t know has become even more demure.  
Sehun finds himself on the way to his parents’ home, driving as he steers away from his thoughts of Jongdae.

Pareho pa rin ang code. Ayaw na niyang maging abala sa katulong para magpapasok.

He swings open the door to reveal his dad sa garage, paalis at mukhang pagod.

“Anak! Pumunta ka pala talaga! Mom told me to leave, she said you begged off.” His dad looks so calm. Sehun missed him. All he could do was watch him sa news and awe at his accomplishments.

Pero ahas naman, diba sinabi niyang pupunta nga siya? His mother must’ve wanted dad to hear none of her threats towards Sehun.

“I have a meeting to attend. I love you and I’m always proud of you. Don’t forget that. Nasa loob din hyung mo.” His father quickly hugs him, at sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam ni Sehun na masabihan ng “I’m proud of you.” Sobrang random naman yung boost of encouragement, but he's thankful for it. Of course he is. Hindi karaniwan ang mapakitaan ng bait.

He politely greets his mother and brother. His hyung is beyond ecstatic to see him after months, but Sehun is here poking at his food. After dinner, the three of them are alone sa table.

Tungkol sa ano kaya yung mahalagang usapan? Sehun feels stiffly rigid as he stares at his mother in anticipation.

“Anak, do you remember Yoona? Yung anak ng mga Im?” Sehun shudders at the mention of the word anak. He remembers Yoona. She’s older than him by a few years and insanely smart and pretty pa. They used to see each other a lot because of family events. Dream girl siguro siya ng kahit sinong lalaking matino. She’s always had eyes for his hyung though. Ang baba naman ng standards niya, Sehun thinks to himself and scoffs.

“Ah, yung dating may crush kay kuya na naging doktora para sundan siya?” Sehun laughed at his brother’s reaction. 

“Yoona na anak ng Secretary of the Department of Health. Yes, siya yun.” His mother creepily smiles.

“Turns out, she’s realized she might fancy you, kahit na teacher ka lang.” Weh. Halata naman na sinungaling yung nanay niya. Si Yoona pa kaya? She's the definition of an independent woman.

“Mama, 'wag mo namang sabihin na ‘lang’. Teachers are the backbone of this nation. And your son is an educator in the most prestigious university in this country. Nanggaling tayong lahat mula doon, kaya ‘wag mong maliitin si Sehun.” His hyung is shocked at their mother’s reply. Hanep si kuya kung makabackbone ah. He has Sehun’s back no matter what.  
But comedic jabs couldn’t conceal how Sehun knew where this was going and felt scared.

“Our families have been talking. We want you to meet Yoona. We think you’d fit well together. You can marry her.” His mother says loudly and clearly enough for him to feel his world crumbling down once again.

Kuya loudly gasps at the absurd suggestion. Sehun can't comprehend how dumb it is.

“Ma, ang tanda ko na. I’m certain she has tons of suitors anyway, marrying should be her choice, not her family’s. And the same goes for me. You know about my marital status.” Sehun is furious. He’s panicking, unable to think of a way to get himself out of here. Surely, Jongdae was probably just made a pawn in all of this. His mom definitely threatened him. 

But a part of Sehun’s morale doesn’t feel so confident anymore.

What if Jongdae was planning to leave him all along and his mother’s plans just made it easier for him to do so?

“You will listen to your mother.” She declares abruptly and stares at her son in the eye, her finger pointed firmly at his face.

“Kasal kami ni Jongdae!” Sehun feels his chest constricting as all of this is starting to make sense to him.

Alam ng pamilya niya 'yun, kaya higit siyang nagtaka kung bakit nagawa ng nanay niyang masabi 'to.

“Pinayagan ka na nga naming maging propesor, ngayon pagtataksilan mo pa kami? Inakit ka lang nun!”

“Mahal ko siya! Ang daming taon na naming nagsama, ba’t ngayon ka lang nagalit nang ganito? Di mo ba naintindihan na masaya kami noong ‘di mo pa kami ginugulo? I cut off all my ties with you for a reason. I’m happy the way I’m living.” He runs his hands through his hair numerous times, unable to grasp his mother’s reasoning.

Tumayo ang nanay ni Sehun. Galit na galit na siya. “Sa tingin mo ba makatutulong yung gulo mo sa pagkampanya ng tatay mo? Sige, sabi mo low profile kayo, pero matagal na kayong hinintay na mahuli ng kalaban. Nanay mo ako. Inunahan ko na. Jongdae understood. I really thought it was just a fling. I can’t believe you dragged it out for 5 years, anak. Teacher mo na nga, tapos lalaki pa! Wala kang hiya! Dinala ba kita sa mundong ito for you to disrespect your family?” She clutched her heart like she was in pain, but Sehun knew it was all an act. She wanted to look like the victim sa harap ng kuya ni Sehun na nakatulala.

“Ginusto ko bang mabuhay sa mundong ito? Hindi! Ang ginusto ko lang ay mahalin siya. Hindi nila malalaman. Walang makalalaman. Payagan mo akong bumalik sa kanya, ma. Please.” Sehun can’t help but cry, and kneels on the ground in agony.

His mother cranes her neck down and belts out a cold laugh insincerely. “Papayagan ka ba niya?” She taunts her son. Lies and more lies. He knew Jongdae said all of those harsh words because he loved him. Jongdae would never want to tarnish Sehun’s reputation, especially when he was starting to be a recognized professor too.   
“‘Yan kasi ang nangyayari pag ‘di ka sumusunod sa nanay mo. Ba’t di mo kasi tinuloy yung medschool? O law tulad ng mga tito mo, pati na ang papa mo? Meron nang kasunod si papa dahil nandito si kuya, nag-aral ng law kahit na doctor na rin. And you? You’re just a disappointment.” His mother attempts to slap his head, but hinawakan siya ni kuya.

Anger is ignited in Sehun’s heart and he stands once more, voice booming. “I’m motherless. You never did anything good for me. You just care about yourself! Si papa nga, kinakamusta ako kahit na alam niyang ayoko sa’yo! Suportado niya sa’min ni Jongdae, ba’t ikaw hindi? You’re too greedy. Dad’s here to serve the people, not you!” Sehun is at the brink of tears and has never been this frustrated towards his mother. Enough is enough.

“I don’t get why you’re disappointed. I’ve excluded myself for years, distanced myself, but you keep crawling back to me saying I’m a disappointment but you need me to leech off of some rich family.”

“Why? Jongdae probably just leeched off of you himself. The crocodile tears he cried out when I had him beat up to break up with you were hilari—” Nakatingala ang nanay ni Sehun sa sinabi niya.

Fuck. Why didn’t he realize it sooner? Jongdae seemed to have been limping on his way to class the next Monday. Sehun suddenly feels nauseous and can’t comprehend what’s going on.

“So you threatened him?” It’s an admittance of defeat from Sehun, but he hasn’t been this enraged in a long time. He tightly grips his mother’s wrist.

“Apologize to him right now. Apologize to me. Sobrang bastos na ng ginagawa mo. You have no right to treat people the way you treated Jongdae.” His mother looks scared. He knows it’s all a sham.

Hurt me, and not my husband, Sehun thinks.

“No. He did what was right for you. I suppose he never really loved you if it was that easy to leave. I didn’t even have to bribe him. He must’ve been tired of you.” His mother grinned. “I’ll have you meet Yoona soon.” She walked away, leaving her son crying in his hyung’s arms. His mother was wrong. Jongdae did it because he loved him, and he wanted to tell Jongdae how much he loved him.

By the time Sehun’s arrived home, he was still crying and shaking. He’s greeted by his photos with Jongdae on the wall, and Jongdae’s favorite blazer hung on the chair, untouched for the longest time.

Kahit na hindi niya gusto, baka matuloy nga ang ginugusto ng nanay ni Sehun dahil baka magkagulo pa kung hindi siya pumayag.

Pero hindi siya magiging legal since kinasal nga ng legal sina Sehun at Jongdae sa America noon.

He couldn't help but miss hugging Jongdae, especially when they came home together, and he was warm in his blazer. Jongdae's smaller frame fitting perfectly against Sehun's body was so comforting.

Sehun’s been wanting to give it to him in person for a while, but maybe it would cause a scene.

Maybe Jongdae didn’t care about it anymore and his mother was telling the truth.

Sehun goes to sleep with his finger hovering over the ‘send’ button.

An “I miss you.”

Makikita nanaman ni Sehun si Jongdae bukas sa unibersidad, malamang sa malamang.

Pero hindi na yata kakayanin ng guro ang tumingin sa kanyang asawa lalo na’t ang daming nalantad sa kanya.

Kung nasaktan siya, gaano pa kayang mas masakit para kay Jongdae?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Medyo spicy :0

“Yoona?” Jongdae whispers to himself gulps when he sees her outside a café sa may Makati. She calls his name out and he pretends not to hear her. Sehun’s mother must’ve shown her photos of Jongdae.

He turns on his heel to bid farewell and ignore her, but she’s persistent. “You’re Sehun’s husband, right?” Mala-anghel ang mukha ng babaeng ito. The gentle timbre of her voice makes it difficult to hate her and the natural kindness she exudes.

Jongdae is cornered and has no choice but to answer.

“I won’t be, soon. I’m planning to file for divorce.” He stares at his feet.

The older woman gasps. “T-Talaga ba?” She doesn’t look relieved at all and Jongdae feels the fake concern. He smiles a fake smile, pretending he’s fine.

“I don’t love him anymore.” He lies.

“That’s a shame, Jongdae. I was rooting for you two. I met up with Sehun a few days ago and he still loves you so much. I didn’t think you would—“ Seriously? Jongdae was heartbroken saying that lie. But maybe it was for the better. Sehun’s mom would stop hurting Sehun if Jongdae made his husband believe he fell out of love with him.

Nagulat siya sa sinabi ni Yoona.

Ganun lang ba yun?

She was vouching for him and Sehun? Or isa pa ba tong test?

She seemed so genuine, Jongdae just wanted to trust her so badly.

“I said what I said.” Jongdae bows before he can cry. “I have to go now,” He hastens his pace.

Yoona dials Sehun’s number a few minutes later as she gets into her car. He answers in a heartbeat. “W-We need to talk, Sehun-ah. Kinausap ko si Jongdae.”

Ang bungad ng sagot ni Sehun ay dapat ‘Yoona noona, how did you get my number?’

Ngunit naging:

“Noona? Kailan mo siya nakausap?” He’s shocked beyond compare.

They didn’t even know each other. They were never introduced to each other.

But then Yoona tells him everything, and his chest heaves as his grip on his phone tightens in public, his fist clenching at his side.

Putangina, may mas sasakit pa pala sa pusong ‘to,

Sehun tries to control his breathing, but he can’t.

He’s a fucking mess.

But he has to make Yoona think he’s onat.

“He probably just lied, noona. Sa tingin mo ba, aaminin niya na gusto pa niya ako sa magiging fiancé ko? Na binanggit pa ng nanay ko?” Sehun shrugs, trying to mask his anxiety.

Yoona seems to lean in kasi lumakas yung malumanay niyang boses. “I’m really sorry I have to say this but I think he was telling the truth, Sehun. Baka wala nang silbi ang paghintay sa kanya habang nag-move on na pala siya.” Her tone is apologetic.

Sehun forces a tight smile, even though Yoona won’t see it.

Then maybe he really is holding on to nothing. 

It just makes everything worse, somehow.

Yoona leaves for San Francisco in a matter of days. It’s hopeless for them both if Sehun can’t even fight for husband who keeps pretending he doesn’t love him anymore.

It’s clear to both of them na yung nanay lang talaga ni Sehun yung may gusto sa arrangement na ito.

“Sehun-ah. Please, ‘wag kang magulat. May isa pa siyang sinabi sa akin. I just don’t want your heart to hurt as much when you hear it from him.” Nandoon pa rin pala si Yoona sa kabilang linya. Sehun was glad to be comforted from a friend, kahit na hindi na niya talaga alam yung ginagawa niya.

Sehun feels the rush of tears threatening to spill over. Ano pa ba ang pinakakinatatakutan niya? Alam naman niya kung ano ‘to.

The professor walks to his cubicle with speed, para walang makakita sa kanya na estudyante.

“Jongdae said... That he’s planning to file for divorce.” Sehun chokes at Yoona’s words, the sadness overflowing in his heart and mind.

“Sinabi niya ‘yan sa’yo?” Sehun feels delirious, dizzy even. Ang tagal na niyang sinubukang maging positibo pero ang tagal na rin ng lumipas na panahon.

She simply hums sadly. Sehun ends the call before hearing anymore heartbreaking words.

Hours pass, at may event siyang pinuntahan para sa family.

Nandoon din pala si Yoona.

Kinabahan si Sehun. She wouldn’t possibly agree to what his mom said, right? Especially when she’s one of the most levelheaded people Sehun’s met.

“Sehun, ang laki mo na!” Hmm, okay. Was that in a romantic way or like how an ate would talk to a baby boy.

Yung pangalawa pala. May gusto pala si Yoona ngayon, kapwa doktor sa Frisco. Siwon daw ang pangalan, at mayaman din.

“Yep, noona. It’s been a long time.” He forces a smile. They talk for a while, and Sehun reconnects with Yoona— rekindles the friendship.

Walang nagbago. Napakasweet pa rin ni Yoona bilang ate. Pero kinurot niya si Sehun noong kinulit niya ito sa kuya niya.

Nagpaalam si Yoona na uuwi na siya, pero siyempre gentleman Sehun says he’ll walk her to her car.

“Sehun, don’t worry. I know you don’t want to marry me, and I don’t either. Parang kapatid na kita. At si Jongdae? Cute kayo. I’ll be praying for you two to work things out. I hope you understand what he did.” Sehun is left dumbfounded.

But how did Yoona have a gut feeling about Jongdae, and why did Sehun feel so comforted?

It’s been months, but Jongdae has only drifted farther and farther away.

So much has changed but Sehun isn’t going to let go of the love of his life. Marami na silang pinagdaanan sa mga taong nagsama sila.

What if all of those years had really been an illusion? Had he not cared for Jongdae enough?

Yoona comforts him for a while longer, and Sehun feels sickly when he’s alone at home once again when he arrives to be greeted by an empty house.

Why did you leave me like this?

Sehun stares at his ring for much longer than he usually does and feels more alone.

Apart from missing Jongdae’s touch, his body couldn’t help but miss fulfilling its natural desires for sexual needs. It’s not like he was unfaithful. He was loyal to Jongdae, and Jongdae alone.

Nights when he couldn’t sleep, he could feel Jongdae’s warmth—but never recreate the same feeling, settling for his hands curling around his own length screaming the name of his lover, ghosting the familiar touch in an attempt to feel again.

It obviously wasn’t enough.

Maybe if he was desperate enough, he could beg Jongdae for help. Asawa pa rin niya naman yun.

He can’t help but feel jealous.

Not when Chanyeol’s clearly been Jongdae’s shoulder to cry on.

Not when Chanyeol’s been hanging out with Jongdae during all the breaks, despite them not teaching in the same college.

At mas lalo siyang nagselos because Jongdae hadn’t looked that happy in months.

Ang saya nilang tignan. Sobrang carefree ni Dae kapag silang dalawa lang ang nagsasama.

He looked happy with Chanyeol. They looked good together.

Baka ito na talaga ang gusto ni Jongdae.

What if he got bored of the younger man already?

Chanyeol was probably exciting to him, and maybe a better fit since kung tama ang naaalala ni Sehun, parehong edad lang sila.

Sehun can’t fall asleep that night and the following nights thinking of the possibilities.

Chaos finally happens after Sehun’s last class a few weeks later. Hindi nanaman siya nakatulog kaya’t gumawa siya ng lunchbox para kay Jongdae sa umaga—paborito niyang dinner na hinahanda ni Jongdae.

Simpleng kimchi fried rice. Halata naman na si Sehun yung nag-iwan nito para kay Jongdae, at siyempre ay tinanggap pa rin niya ‘to mula sa asawa niya.

Sayang naman kasi at nilapag na sa kanyang desk.

Sehun is about to leave after a hectic overtime which only left him sa course niya, pero lumingon siya sa durungawan dahil may napansin siya habang dumadaan.

Oh, Lord please.

It can’t be.

On the other end of the room, a small body is pressed by a larger one into the wall, as the taller kisses the other.

Si Jongdae yun.

Yung buhok naman ni Chanyeol yung nasa mas matangkad.

Alam ni Sehun yun at walang makasasabi sa kanya na nagsisinungaling ang mga mata niya, kahit na yun ang ninanais niya.

Wasak na wasak na ang puso niya habang tumatakbo siya palayo sa lecture hall.

Jongdae is mortified and pushes Chanyeol away with a thud, wiping his mouth. “Please give me a chance.” Wika ni Chanyeol, habang lumalapit muli kay Jongdae.

“You’re my friend. I’m sorry. You know my love for you will never exceed that.” Jongdae wipes his mouth once more and immediately runs out in a daze.

And runs into a teary-eyed Sehun who is clenching his jaw, and adamantly making his way to the faculty parking lot.

Jongdae only sees Sehun’s back but immediately hides in the corner, before he heads Sehun’s footsteps retreating.

Only to turn around and face his husband.

He hasn’t seen Sehun this close for the longest time, and his bright boy just looks so... Broken.

Kasalanan naman kasi ‘to ni Jongdae eh.

He can see Sehun’s chest heaving uncontrollably under his polo shit.

Jongdae is nervous as he already knows Sehun saw what happened, judging his expression. Galit siya, malamang.

Galit nga ang mukha niya, pero katakutan ang sinasaad ng mga salita niya. “Get... In... My car, p-please... Now? Please? H-Hyung?” His husband is trying so hard go control himself, but Jongdae can’t will himself to join him.

That is, until he sees that Sehun is about to kneel on the ground.

Jongdae stares at the road emptily. “Fine. Just this once.” Sehun only called Jongdae ‘hyung’ kapag may gusto talaga siyang makamit o lambingin lamang ang kanyang asawa.

They exchange no words on the way there, but Jongdae can hear the irregularities in Sehun’s breathing, in the way he tries to revoke each breath he’s about to pass as a word, but lets it get caught up in the wind.

Jongdae gets in the passenger seat. Sehun naturally helps him enter, even if he refused. Insecure, the younger locks all doors in case Jongdae plans on leaving.

Jongdae straps his seatbelt, prepared for whatever Sehun was thinking of.

Sehun takes a deep breath. “Hyung…” The tears flood out.

“I miss you,” He shudders. “Hindi ko kaya na wala ka, hyung.” That sweet voice proclaims ‘hyung’ like the syllable itself is the highest form of praise to Jongdae. He knows his husband loves it.

Jongdae stares straight ahead, not bothering to look at Sehun once. “Sehun, please… It’s for the better. Alam mo naman yun.” Jongdae tries to smile, bittersweet. Hindi niya ‘to kaya. 

“Then is that why you were with Chanyeol earlier?” Sehun’s hands reach out to touch his chin, gently making them face each other.

They haven’t touched in months, and the first form of contact almost feels electric.

Jongdae’s heart sinks.

“No! It wasn’t wha—“ Fuck. Why did Jongdae feel the need to clarify?

Sehun tries to hide the inch of satisfaction he felt from that statement.

“I’m not trying to be with anyone right now.” Sagot ni Jongdae.

“Seohyun noona said you were planning to get a divorce from me. I can’t believe you told her first.” Sehun’s arms curl around Jongdae’s body.

Jongdae doesn’t answer, but Sehun continues to plead. “Please don’t.” 

“You know what I’m about to say, Sehun.”

“Oo. Na hindi mo na ako mahal. Tanggap ko ‘yan, pero sana kahit kailanman, hindi mo sasabihin na hindi mo ako minahal.” Sehun sobs into the junction of his hyung’s neck.

Jongdae lightly pushes Sehun away.

Rejection.

Silence ensues for minutes.

Sehun wipes his tears and tries to calm himself down.

“If you don’t love me anymore, can you at least give me one last gift?” Sehun begs.

“Anything to make you feel the slightest better.” Jongdae admits.

“That’s good then, hyung.” Sehun smiles mischievously and Jongdae feels nervous.

“I want you to fuck me one last time. But I want to fuck you too.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jongdae gasps but Sehun doesn’t seem defeated. “It’s been so long. And I miss you so fucking bad. It!s unfair for me because I never got an explanation. You could’ve done it nicely but you just left me heartbroken and I can’t feel anything anymore. Wala na talaga.” The younger unexpectedly chokes up.

Jongdae is so so hurt, seeing him like this.

“Hun, you have to understand me. There are some things I can’t tell you. Mga bagay na kailangan kong gawin para sa’yo and minsa—“

Suddenly, Sehun’s leaning to the right side of the car and his tongue is on Jongdae’s neck, making kitten licks to his jaw, and the older tries to maintain his breathing but it’s erratic.

Sehun presses his lips to the pale skin and sucks harder, grazing his teeth along the vulnerable spot

“N-No, Sehun,” Jongdae shudders and finally pushes sehun away, softly awkwardly sitting.

“Friends with benefits. Just when I—we need each other. Or after I can forgive you, forget you. We can use my other spare condo, the one we used to go to noong prof pa ki—“ Jongdae closes his eyes at the memory.

Good times. He’d missed being with Sehun so much. He can’t handle this.

Was Jongdae about to say yes and make a truly irreversible decision?

“I can’t, sehun.” Jongdae shakes his head with vigor, nearly facepalming.

The younger takes his hands into his own. “Then make love to me one last time, tonight.”

“Hun...”

“I just need a good fuck and I won’t have it any other way if it isn’t you, hyung.” The younger actually looks so stressed and bothered. Jongdae caused some of it, so he should relieve it somehow, without emotional attachments.

Sehun’s dominance is fazing jongdae because it’s the elder who usually pounds him into the matress, leaving him a pleasured disheveled mess. 

Sehun is leaning against the window, flaunting his broad shoulders and overall godlike physique. “Friends with benefits. Kaya mo ba? Kahit walang label, I just need you—somehow. Selfish I know, pero kahit katawan mo lang.“ What sick game was his husband playing?

After seconds of torment, Jongdae decides that he’s gonna play along.

Hindi na pinatigil ni Sehun ang mga kaganapan ngayon. 

That’s why they met at Jongdae’s unit. Lavish, high-end, tago.

They used to stay there all the time, before they were married.

He orders Jongdae to strip, and the older does so while avoiding eye contact the entire time.

Jongdae was still working out, huh?

Hot pa rin. Mas hot pa nga, eh.

For some reason, Jongdae feels so vulnerable right now in front of Sehun. He’s naked and lying on his back so he can see exactly how Sehun is responding to the sight of him. He can see what Sehun’s doing.

Gumagapang papunta sa kanya, lube and condom in hand. His husband sports his signature unintentional rbf people who didn’t know him would be jealous of. Strangely enough, this gets under Jongdae’s skin somehow.

The proposition induces goosebumps.

“I was jealous, hyung. So jealous.” Sehun coats his index finger and middle finger with lube. Even though unit yun ni Jongdae at hindi na sila pumunta doon gaano ever since they got married, he memorizes where Jongdae’s lube and condom stash is. Buti nandoon pa rin.

Jongdae shivers at the cool substance teasing at his rim and hums affirmation when Sehun asks him if he can ease him into it with his fingers.

Sehun kisses Jongdae on the lips, and the older is intoxicated. It’s filthy, sloppy, and Sehun’s tongue is dragging along whatever space there is in Jongdae’s tongue, kitten licks adorning the roof of his mouth.

Kiss palang, pero parang sasabog na si Jongdae. Sehun keeps biting Jongdae’s lower lip, relentlessly sucking onto it as Jongdae already feels like he could come from this alone. He gasps for air when it gets too steamy, and Sehun uses that to “Se—“ Jongdae can’t breathe. His husband’s looking directly at his hard-on, he’s smirking at how Jongdae is already leaking with precome despite barely touching him.

The younger flashes a handsome smile and kisses his favorite spot on Jongdae’s neck—his mole, and the most sensitive spot.

Jongdae can’t imagine how he’s going to get through this night. Napakabobo niya. 

Sa ngiti lamang ng asawa niya, nawawala na ang mga tinago niyang damdamin.

He’s so close to giving in.

This would just be a blow to his ego, but maybe the embarrassment would really make him stay away from Sehun, and maybe Sehun would finally be content.

Jongdae knew that was unlikely, probably not going to happen.

Sehun straddles him, and Jongdae’s heart thumps in fear as the taller looms over him. He’s in full control. “Let’s make this more fun for both of us, huh, hyung?”

Jongdae nods shyly and closes his eyes, anticipating whatever Sehun might do.

“Call me Chanyeol.” The younger commands, and Jongdae’s eyes widen.

Fuck. 

What did Jongdae just agree to? He was already guilty enough knowing that he’d probably leave Sehun after this again, once and for all. But calling him Chanyeol? After Sehun saw Chanyeol force that kiss on him and suspected Jongdae on cheating with him?

Without warning, ehun pumps in faster so that the whole length of his finger is in and out of Jongdae. The ring of muscle relishes the touch, hole clenching involuntarily as he introduced more digits. “Sehun,” Jongdae helplessly breathes out, squirming at his touch.

“Hyung, you’re so perfect.” Sehun whispers as he pinches Jongdae’s nipples with his other hand, earning a scream from Jongdae as he bends down to bite them.

Sehun’s eyes are filled with lust as he emerges, taking in the sight of Jongdae writhing under him. “Putangina, hyung. Your nipples are so swollen.” His fingers are still in Jongdae, and the elder’s neck and chest are flush, lightly gleaming with sweat and his back is arching so beautifully.

Jongdae closes his eyes in concentration and hears Sehun’s soft grunts. “Whenever I saw you with Chanyeol, I always thought about bending you over on the desk in the lecture hall to fuck you while everyone would just watch. You’d like that, right, hyung? You like me being bratty and all, but we both know you like being my slut.” Jongdae moans, voice light and pitchy, mumbling incorrigible words as Sehun prods his tip at Jongdae’s fluttering hole.

Sobrang desperado na ni Jongdae para sa kahit anong pagpasok ni Sehun. Kailangang-kailangan na niya.

The younger chuckles when Jongdae pushes his hips back embarrassingly, attempting to let Sehun’s hardness enter his warmth. “Not done yet, hyung. Teka lang.” Jongdae doesn’t say anything in protest. He’s relishing too much in the pleasurable pain. He missed it and loves it so much—lives for it. Lives for Sehun.

He enters, thrusting in shallowly, which only pisses off Jongdae more. “Fucking t-tease,” Jongdae’s close to tears as Sehun’s hands hold his hips with a death grip. His thrusts increase their pace, but he still hasn’t pushed himself in Jongdae all the way. There’s nothing more Jongdae wants more than it right now.

“Se, please.” Tears bounce off of the elder’s lashes like glistening raindrops. Sehun finally gives in within a millisecond, and comes crashing into Jongdae without any warning.

Jongdae’s toes curl at the sensation of being completely filled. Sehun’s cock twitches inside him, dahil sa lahat ng mga ungol na hindi na mapigilan ni Jongdae na lumabas mula sa pula niyang labi.

Sehun thrusts in faster, and lewd noises of skin slapping against the flesh of Jongdae’s ass echoes in the room. With haste, biglaan nalang na pinaupo ni Sehun si Jongdae sa kanyang ari.

Jongdae is shocked even more, when Sehun turns him around, so that his back his pressed into Sehun’s chest.

The elder’s eyes are teary as Sehun rolls his hips upwards. “T-tangina. I’m close.” He tries to grip Sehun’s thighs, but suddenly feels Sehun’s large hand on his length.

“Fuck, Se—“ Jongdae is crying now, chasing his climax as Sehun is ruthlessly pumping his rock-hard length, and thrusting into his ass with extreme precision to meet his prostate each time. Each thrust is an electric shock of pleasure washing over him.

Jongdae’s breathing stills and he’s a few pumps away from coming. He feels it. He knows it.

Alam na alam na niya ang mangyayari na ninanais niya.

Pero mukhang alam din ni Sehun.

Kasi bigla siyang tumigil sa lahat ng pinaggagawa niya kay Jongdae. 

He peels Jongdae off of his body with a smirk, as the elder curses, wiping at his tears.

“Fuck,” Jongdae’s voice is breathy as he leans against the headboard, vision bleary as he watches Sehun pump his own length.

Sehun throws his head back as he watches Jongdae pant from the strenuous session. “Jongdae hyung, you’re still so fucking hot.” 

“Want some?” Sehun dips his fingers in his own cum, and within seconds, Jongdae is crawling over him.

“You can’t cum without my permission, Jongdae hyung.”

Sehun gets on his knees and stares at Jongdae darkly. He grabs Jongdae’s length, pumping it to hardness and fondling his balls.

With a moan, Jongdae throws his head back as Sehun licks his shaft, then the base to the tip of his cock, warm laps. It’s nothing too stressful yet, until Sehun takes Jongdae’s entire length.

Jongdae wants to fuck his husband’s throat so badly, but he knows he has to resist the urge to buck is hips up without mercy.

Ang hirap gawin dahil ginagawang lollipop ni Sehun yung ari niya.

His husband’s mouth looks godly around his cock, the warmth enveloping it with occasional hums not rendering it less stimulating.

Jongdae is close to cumming when Sehun bobs his head repeatedly, stabilizing himself by holding Jongdae’s thighs so tightly, magkakaroon na siguro ng pasa doon.

Sehun’s so gorgeous like this—cheeks dusted a beautiful pink, sweat glistening on his skin which makes him look even more perfect than usual.

Tangina, sobrang unfair. Ang gwapo talaga niya, at malamang sa malamang, alam niya ‘to,

The younger keeps on trying to please the older, with obscene licks and moans, but looks so wrecked already as Jongdae couldn’t prevent bucking his hips up. His tip kept brushing against Sehun’s throat.

Jongdae clutches at the sheets with the shear strength he has left, the last ounce of self-control.

He’s about to cum in Sehun’s throat when the younger pulls his mouth off with a pop.

Sehun smiles smugly.

Jongdae releases a subtle string of profanities, finally understanding Oh Sehun’s wicked game.

Sehun’s denied his release thrice already, and he doesn’t seem like he has any plans to stop doing so.

Jongdae’s really going to lose it.

“Sehun, p-please...” Jongdae’s face is even more red now that he has direct eye contact with Sehun. It’s too embarrassing, really.

“Chanyeol, diba?” Fuck, he forgot about that. Fuck talaga.

Hindi talaga totoo yung inisip ni Sehun tungkol sa kanilang dalawa, at kahit kailanma’y hindi magiging totoo.

He can’t do it, can’t bring himself to even think about Chanyeol when he wants so badly to scream Sehun’s name—not even going to be tempted to say Chanyeol.

“N-No, Sehun, I—“ Sehun lets out a huff of annoyance and puts a bruising grip on Jongdae’s thighs. Jongdae hopes it bruises.

Sehun’s fingers play along Jongdae’s happy trail, and the older’s breaths are so short and airy.

“Ride me, hyung.” Sehun orders, and taps onto himself for Jongdae to straddle him.

Jongdae is so pissed off at all of this teasing already, and is almost too drained to comply with his husband’s request before remembering that he hasn’t cummed yet.

Both of them are still furiously hard, and Sehun aligns his cock with Jongdae’s for a better entrance.

Jongdae lets Sehun slide slowly into him, and he immediately clenches involuntarily, feeling so full already even when Sehun isn’t halfway in yet. 

The elder’s belly is about to give in, filled with lust awaiting the fuel to the fire that is Sehun’s touch.

Jongdae’s voice is breathy, and loud, and high-pitched. It’s the most perfect, most sensual whine. “Gago,” Sehun curses as Jongdae bites down on his lip to have his moan go unheard, the taller gets even more turned on.

They haven’t fucked in the longest time and Sehun grunts at how tight his husband’s hole is.

He closes his eyes and sinks down onto Sehun’s entire length and feels so full. Sehun’s length pulses in Jongdae’s ass as he’s in balls deep. Jongdae focuses on his breathing, as Sehun smooths circles into his thighs.

“Move, hyung.” Jongdae gyrates his hips, driving Sehun crazy as he pleasures himself, using an unmoving Sehun.

“Call me Chanyeol, and I’ll move.” Sehun smiles at the man over him.

“N-No.” Jongdae’s face reddens as he refuses to say Chanyeol’s name.

Sehun sinfully rolls his hips upwards, earning a lewd moan from his husband, who touches his nipples. “Do it, hyung.” 

The younger repeats the action until Jongdae is forced to give in. “T-tangina, Chanyeol—no!” Sehun sits up, so that their chests

“Cha— Sehun! Sehun!” Jongdae pleads as Sehun thrusts faster, both arms around Jongdae’s waist, fucking into him with more brutality.

What euphoria is this? Mas sumarap pa when Sehun stimulated his already swollen nipples, licking and biting them lightly as he picked up the pace.

Jongdae winds his arms around Sehun’s body, clinging on as his husband attacks his neck with bites and kisses—purple and red marking his chest.

“Tangina, hyung, you’re so hot when you say my name.” The younger’s grip on his waist tightens as Jongdae bounces faster and faster, Sehun’s thrusts strike his prostate. Jongdae’s hole is warm and insanely tight still, as it envelops Sehun’s rock hard cock.

Their skin slaps together making wet noises as Jongdae is now screaming Sehun’s name. He feels like he’s being split open by Sehun’s cock, and there’s nothing the two of them love more than this.

“Sehun, please, tangina!” Sehun stopped thrusting yet again and the elder kept fucking himself on the large cock ruthlessly, chasing his zenith.

Before Sehun stops him from reaching his climax again, Jongdae wipes his forehead and takes himself off of Sehun. He gets on his knees and makes Sehun sit.

“You can fuck my throat, Se.” His voice is driving Sehun wild. He’s like a minx.

But his adam’s apple is so inviting. Sehun’s always worshipped Jongdae’s lovely neck, so sensitive to every touch, bite, lick, kiss...

“I don’t want to. You know it might hurt.”

Sehun eyes meet a burning gaze. “Then hurt me.” Jongdae’s words are fuel to the fire as Sehun does just that.

Lewd, obscene noises fill the room as Sehun thrusts in and out even after he sees Jongdae teary-eyed. Jongdae looks up at him, eyes fully clouded with lust, silently begging for more with his gaze amidst his devilish moans.

Shamelessly, Sehun scoops Jongdae up and lays him on the bed, taking Jongdae’s erection into his hand again and pumps up and down; the pressure has been building up for so long it doesn’t take much for him to see white. Finally.

Sehun pretty much passes out and scoops Jongdae in his arms, bare skin of the smaller’s back pressed against his chest tightly. They’re both tired, physically and emotionally.

This can’t be though. Jongdae has to get away. Bawal ma-attach si Sehun sa kanya, kailangan niyang umalis.

Minutes later, Jongdae manages to get up despite his legs feeling like jelly. He cleans both of them up and slips into the sheets, and is in Sehun’s embrace, pressing a soft kiss to the younger’s temple.

But not for long.

Isang linggo na ang lumipas.

Jongdae went over to their house...

Or Sehun’s place to please the younger’s thirst in amother attempt to gain his forgiveness.

It’s the second time they tried this arrangement. Buti pumayag yung asawa ni Sehun kahit medyo lasing na si Sehun.

Sehun couldn’t recall last night that clearly though, his head throbbing as he tried to.

He remembers clinging on tightly to Jongdae’s warm body, asking Jongdae not to let go repeatedly, when the elder wasn’t holding onto him to begin with.

He remembers kissing an unresponsive Jongdae, touching his biceps, chest, thighs, and wherever else the long span his fingers could splay them against.

The touch was familiar—warm, like it was home. Because it was home. He missed being with Jongdae so much, being with him now wrecked him.

He doesn’t think they made love, fucked, Sehun thinks, because all he recalls is kissing, and Jongdae asking him to stop while crying.

Sehun closes his eyes and finally remembers a faint memory from last night, as he feels dizzy.

Ba’t wala si Jongdae sa tabi niya? The image of the other side of the bed indicates that Jongdae was in fact here.

Totoo naman yung nangyari, diba?

Bakit tila naging pangarap lang?

Sehun is frustrated and kneels on the floor after he searches the entire house. His efforts are futile.

There’s a note on the refrigerator door.

———————  
patawarin   
mo   
sana ako,   
balang   
araw.  
———————

Pinatawad na niya si Jongdae mag mula noong malaman niya ang ginawa ng nanay niya.

It must’ve been so hard for Jongdae.

Sa totoo lang, alam ni Sehun na siya dapat ang humingi ng tawad kay Jongdae.

Tinawag na niya si Jongdae nang ilang beses, pero kahit isang text man lang, walang reply.

Sehun can’t let these feelings get to him. May pasok pa siya ngayon.

10AM na sa pagtingin sa orasan.

He has a class at 11, and the hellish traffic won’t cooperate no matter how quickly he showers, but he has kids to teach and so he prepares with speed.

Hindi napansin ni Sehun na hindi pala niya gaanong naayos ang buhok niya, kaya kahit naligo siya at amoy fresh na, parang may bed hair pa rin.

“Sir Oh looks like he just got fucked,” He hears a student in the busy hall comment not so softly as he enters the hall. Oh if only they knew it was because of frustration.

Sehun’s cheeks were red as he ran into the room. “May after sex glow si sir. Fuck ang pogi niya talaga.” The remark makes him feel uncomfortable as he adjusts the glasses on his high nose bridge, and sets his hands on the desk before him.

“Sorry I’m late. Alam niyo naman na long test lang ang nasa schedule natin ngayong araw na ‘to, diba?”

Jeno Lee’s eyes widen. “Sir? Lang?” His friends, Jaemin and Donghyuck slap him on the back. Sehun smiles at that. Jeno’s one of the really smart kids, but he just doubts himself a lot. Jeno reminds Sehun of himself when he met Jongdae, which is why he really wants to hone this kid’s potential.

“Yup. I know you’re all smart kids. But I know you get tired too. With that, I want you to study more but also rest. I’m moving it to Monday. Make sure you get some rest over the weekend.” 

The students leave the hall, confused at his sudden kindness, but they cherish it. It’s a hell of an excuse for papers forgotten at home, but it’s not like it wouldn’t benefit the students. At least sinusundan niya ang sarili niyang schedule. 

“Sumagot ka please.” Sehun calls Jongdae’s number repeatedly but his efforts are futile.

Where could Jongdae even be staying?

Should he ask Chanyeol? Or their other friends na profs?

No. They’ll find out na may problema sila.

Hindi ‘to dapat lalaki.

“Jongdae, please.” He huffs as his latest call wasn’t unanswered but seclined.

Maybe his plan didn’t work.

Baka ito na ang katapusan ng kabanata nila—ang huling yugto.

Kisapmata, segundo, minuto, oras, araw, linggo, buwan, taon.

Hindi maisip ni Sehun ang gagawin niya sa kasalukuyang panahon at sa kinabukasan kapag hindi niya kasama ang kanyang asawa.

Kakayanin ba ni Sehun na wala si Jongdae?

Madali lamang ang sagot.

Hindi.

Ngunit sa unang segundo ng pagtapak ni Jongdae palabas ng condong iyon, alam din niya na hindi rin niya kakayaning mahiwalay kay Sehun.


	7. Chapter 7

Hindi alam ni Jongdae kung paano siya papatawarin ni Sehun sa ginawa niya doon kaya nagpasya siya na itodo na talaga ang pagkawala sa buhay ni Sehun.

He has to let him heal, yes.

He didn’t have the right to blame Sehun for anything when he didn’t know what happened. Jongdae was so in the wrong for making up those lies to make Sehun feel unloved, but his plan didn’t work. His heart only betrayed him and made him want to come back to Sehun.

Honestly, he’d wanted to protect Sehun but he was too scared about what his mother-in-law would do. Their family was influential and it was heartbreaking that she didn’t care about possibly embarrassing her son to the point that he nothing good would ever happen to him again.

No one made Jongdae as happy as Sehun ever did. He felt like he had a newfound purpose when he met Sehun.

It was...

Too sad. He wants a family with Sehun. Ang tagal na nilang pinagplanuhan pero wala rin namang nangyari. Gusto niyang makita si Sehun bilang mapagmahal na ama.

He was left devastated when he thought about how his life with Sehun would be in the long run. They were doing so well, but this had to happen.

Wala nang saysay. Siguro mawawala rin ang passion niya sa pagtuturo. He’d loved teaching ever since, but he’s loved it even more after Sehun acquired that same passion for it.

Ano pa ba ang magagawa ni Jongdae kundi mahalin ang kanyang pinakaminamahal?

And so at 9PM, after his epiphany and informing Sehun’s mother that he would pass by, he bolts to the Oh household uninvited to tell her his true feelings.

He is welcomed by the maids. “Ma’am.” His mother is staring at him, sitting on a sofa. She’s never been kind to Jongdae, doesn’t deserve to be called mother. Not even by Sehun.

She raises her eyebrow and motions for him to speak. Ang yabang talaga ng babaeng ito. 

“I came to address you properly. I realized that I’m not following your orders anymore.”

“Your efforts will be futile.” She cackles at Jongdae’s brevity.

“I love Sehun for who he is, and I’d be willing to fight anyone for him.” Jongdae reasons out firmly.

She picks up her cup of tea and takes a sip. “That doesn’t matter anymore. You’ve ended it and my son isn’t pathetic enough to come crawling back to you.” She’s calm for someone who mistreats her son so badly. Siya yung pathetic dito eh.

He knows saying anything else won’t bear meaning for her. “Don’t bother earning my correspondence ever again. I’m not asking for your permission because I don’t need it. I’m making a statement. Don’t ever bother me. Don’t bother my family, and don’t ever bother my husband.” Jongdae walks away and runs out as quickly as he can bago habulin siya ng mga guard, at hagisan ng tubig ng tsaa ng nanay ni Sehun.

He goes home happily and only hopes for the best, and gets an unexpected text from Sehun’s father.

What’s more surprised is its content. 

< Jongdae, si Tito ito. Thank you for making my son happy all these years. Mahal kita, anak. >

Anak? Sobrang busilak ng puso ni tito—Dad. He feels so accepted. Alam naman niya na never tumutol si tito, ay, si Dad, pero halos wala nga silang interaction dahil busy nga siya.

Naintindihan kaya siya ng nanay ni Sehun?

But minutes after Jongdae left the Oh household, something miraculous happened.

Pumunta rin si Sehun.

They hadn’t planned it at all.

Malamang.

Tulog na ang nanay niya kaya’t dumiretso si Sehun sa kwarto niya, ngunit nahadlangan ng paborito niyang mga kasambahay.

Isiniwalat nila ang lahat ng nangyari sa pagitan ng nanay niya at kay Jongdae. Sa sobrang tuwa, nailuha si Sehun.

Finally.

This is all he’s wanted.

Nagbihis si Sehun para lumabas at puntahan—hanapin pala, si Jongdae.

Sa laking gulat niya, pagkabukas niya ng pinto ng bahay nila, nasa harap niya si Jongdae. At sa pagiging atat niya to run out, he bumped into Jongdae because he didn’t notice him.

“Um...” Sehun is so awkward as he fumbles with the strings of his hoodie, just staring at a now-smiling Jongdae.

Pero napangiti na rin siya. A smiling Jongdae is always a good sign.

“Can I hug you, baby?” Jongdae outstretches his arms.

Sehun is ecstatic.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Mapapatalon na siya sa saya. Namiss niya ‘to.

Jongdae carries Sehun, hoists him up and whirls him around the room as he enters their home.

Ang tagal na niyang wala sa bahay. Namiss niya ‘to.

Ang tahanan niya—si Sehun.

Sehun asks to be put down and Jongdae cranes his neck up to look at his beautiful husband, whose neck is bent down to look at his sunshine.

They’re just smiling at each other, beaming when the darkness has crept into their lives for months and swept them away. Words can’t explain the bliss of being with your lover unrestrained.

“I love you, Dae.” It sounds more like a plead from Sehun’s lips. 

“So much.” Sehun’s crying again while Jongdae’s tears start to fall.

Jongdae feels so bad, and can’t help but beg for forgiveness he feels he’s unworthy of. “I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry, I hope you know that I’m sorry with my entire heart. I miss you.” 

“I understand you. I’m sorry I couldn’t show that and make my mom accountable right away.”

They share a laugh about everything when they reminisce, parehong hubad sa kanilang kama pagkatapos ng kanilang pagiging isa muli.

Moments later, Sehun brings back a memory buried in his heart.

“Remember when you laughed at me when I asked you out for the first time? Wasak na wasak yung puso ko noon.” Sehun bitterly chuckles to himself. He knows Jongdae can hear how fast his heart is beating because the older is lying on his chest.

Jongdae tilts his head up a bit para tumingin kay Sehun. “It’s been years, Se. I’m sorry I did that, hindi ko naman kasing inakala na may magkaka-gusto sa ‘kin. Tas student pa? Jusko, natawa lang talaga ako.” Sehun knows he’s petty and still feels the slightest pain in his heart kahit na kasal sila. Kid at heart kasi si babyboy.

Sehun lays Jongdae down, his head rests against the pillow comfortably as he anticipates Sehun’s actions. “Ikaw pa kaya? Eh ang talino mo kaya. Napahanga mo ako.” Sehun giggles and straddles his husband, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

The younger just hugs his husband tightly and buries his face in his neck. Jongdae feels butterflies in his stomach. Sehun’s heart fluttering words never failed to make his heart soar.

“At gwapo ka pa, Prof JD.” Sehun nearly giggles as he stands up and dampens towels in the bathroom.

Shet naman, Sehun hasn’t called him that in bed since kinasal sila.

The elder yells, voice demonstrating his exhaustion. “Anong prof prof diyan? Prof ka rin. At mag-asawa tayo.” Jongdae’s face turns red. He’s so fucking embarrassed and he knows that Sehun will capitalize on this.

Inaayos ni Sehun ang damit niya bilang isang maayos na tao, pero tumayo si Jongdae para yakapin siya mula sa likod.

“Hun,” Jongdae hums as the younger turns around, his hands tremble and tightly curl onto Jongdae’s biceps, nails pressing deep into his skin, but they feel like nothing new. He’d missed this warm sensation against his numbness.

“Wag kang umalis ulit. Please. Sobra kitang mahal at hindi ko kakayaning mawala ka dahil lang sa pinagsasabi ng iba sa ‘tin. Whatever threat that might be.” Sehun’s eyes look glassy, tears are about to fall out.

“You’re my husband and you’re the best person I know. In the entire world. Hindi ako aalis.” Jongdae stares intently.

Nasa kama pa rin si Jongdae, and he looks so inviting as Sehun finishes cleaning up. “Sit, Sehun-ah.” Jongdae pats his lap and the younger sits comfortably on Jongdae’s firm thighs, his back pfessed to Jongdae’s chest, the older pressing his lips against Sehun’s hair, interlacing their fingers.

Jongdae’s leaning against the cushioned headboard. Sobrang ganda ng mood. Na yinayakap ka ng minamahal mo. But Jongdae looks so nervous, and Sehun doesn’t want to see that look of sadness on his husband’s face, ever.

“I’m so lucky to have you. You didn’t give up on me even when I made that mistake. I still feel horrible and I know you might never forgive me which is understandable but—“ Sehun turns, and silences jongdae with a peck on his lips.

“It’s because it’s you. Alam ko naman na isang tao na may pusong ‘sing busilak ng iyo’y ‘di susuko nang ganun lamang sa minamahal niya.” Sehun grins at him. Puno ng pagmamahal ang puso niya.

Tangina. Kailanman ay hindi pumalya ang pag-ibig niya para kay Jongdae Kim.

“You’re my husband, Sehun. I’d always want the best for you, even if my safety wohld be on the line.” Sehun’s heart clenches at the abrupt confession. Ang galing talaga ni Jongdae with words. Tagos sa puso. Sehun wishes he could express himself as well as Jongdae does.

“Gago ka talaga. I love you the most.” Sehun whines as he sobs into Jongdae’s shoulder, his husband only hugs him tighter.

“Please don’t leave.” The younger’s breath breaks into a sob. Ang ganda ng asawa niya sa dilim, kahit na isang lampara lamang ang nagbibigay ng liwanag sa kwarto. Sehun is still mesmerized by his beauty after all these years.

Jongdae laces their fingers together. “Never. I’m so sorry.” The elder plants dozens of kisses all over his husband’s hair.

“Stop saying sorry.”

“I’m sorry Sehun. With all my heart.” 

Sehun shifts his position. Nakadapa siya ngayon at gumawa ng finger gun na nakatutok sa asawa niya. “Sabi ko, tumigil ka sa kaka-sorry mo.” His tone is comedic, yes, but he means it. He doesn’t want to remember the hardships they had to endure anymore. He’s just glad Jongdae is here now.

Jongdae giggles at Sehun’s frown and moved to kiss Sehun’s nose. “Ba’t naman may baril ka, baby?” He squeezes Sehun’s nose. He missed being playful with his husband. Gigil palagi.

“Okay, boomer.” Sehun rolls his eyes.

Honestly, it took a few seconds for Jongdae to realize what he meant, and for that he felt so old. “Still a brat. Maybe I shouldn’t feel so sorry huh, kid?” Jongdae taunts him.

“Basta, matulog na tayo.”

“Baby, nakatulog ka ba noong wala ako.”

“Gago ka. Alam mo naman na hindi.”

“That’s why it was so hard to leave, but your mom was so fucking scary—“ Sehun laughs at his remark.

“Pardon the language, I’m sorry.” Jongdae cutely defends himself with haste.

“But seriously though, imagine being willing to jeopardize your son and his husband’s career and life just because you don’t like the life he lead... That’s crazy and I didn’t want you to experience that.”

“But they hurt you. Ba’t di ka lumaban?”

“Eh wala namang madudulot na maganda yun. Sasaktan ka pa siguro ng nanay mo—ay hindi pala. She wouldn’t want to see a scratch on her precious son’s face.”

Sehun is too tired to say anything more and just holds Jongdae’s hand.

“The articles will be released tomorrow morning though. Are we ready for that?” Jongdae rests his head on Sehun’s chest. Honestly, he really is nervous. Would they have to flee the country? How bad would this be for them—their families, their lives, even Sehun’s father?

“With you, I’m ready for anything.” Sehun’s remark makes Jongdae’s heart skip a beat.

He’s right.

Nothing is a match for them when they’re together.


	8. EPILOGUE.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ang wakas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sana magustuhan niyo ang simpleng wakas.

Jongdae is honestly so drained from the anxiety.

Sehun is fast asleep and embracing him, but Jongdae’s been on his phone the entire time checking media outlets for any sudden scandals about them.

“I AM SO PROUD OF MY SON!” ESTHER OH EXCLAIMS HER PRIDE FOR HER SON, PROFESSOR OH SEHUN...

Jongdae smiles to himself after reading all her praise about Sehun, but feels like crying at the same time. He deserved this maternal love all this time, hopefully it isn’t too late for it.

He feels his eyes tire and almost puts his phone down when he catches his name in the article, his heart is thumping with uncontrollable speed.

Ano kaya yung sinabi sa kanya?

“He’s gotten more grounded after getting married a few years ago. His husband, Jongdae is perfect for him and I’m glad they’re growing together, helping the nation.” Esther jubilantly replied to us. Sehun and Jongdae are both professors and have maintained a low profile for years.

We hope that you respect their privacy and their life exposed to the public—we especially recommend supporting their different advocacies.

—

Half an hour later, Sehun’s arms curl around him even tigther around his waist as he wakes up and yawns.

Wakes up to seeing his husband frantically wipe his tears.

Sehun immediately sits up, and cradlws Jongdae’s cheek with the gentle curve of his palm. 

Hindi siya magsisinungaling kung sasabihin niyang kumirot ang puso niya sa pagkakita niya sa asawa niyang umiiyak.

“Babe, y’good?” He studies Jongdae’s face with absolute concern.

Jongdae’s crying happy tears at the recollection of the articles he’d read.

All of this will get better soon.

This is just the start.

Jongdae winds his arms around Sehun’s neck and torso, making his husband’s chest touch his own to result in fiery contact.

He kisses Sehun’s lips with speed and buries his head in the junction where his neck and shoulder meet.

“Never been better, Se.” He giggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late but happy new year! putukan na raw :o


End file.
